Follow Your Gut & Intuitions

     I have been struggling lately with what I want to do as a next career move. I mean, I know I'm a nurse, but now I have my masters. I can go and do something better, something to help. I think I will slowly start a tutoring business. After all, I love to teach and I have seven years of teaching experience. I will have my own office, with my own one bed, one simulator teaching area (for hands-on clinical) and a double wide desk and white out board (academics). I will  provide one-on-one teaching. I will try and instill the values I have in nursing to new nurses. I will help those who struggle to understand. I struggled. I will give them positivity. I will hang outside my little log cabin (attached to my house) "M.S., RN, MSN, Student Nurse/CNA/GNA Tutor, Who Not Only Wants to Educate, But Who Also Wants to Bring Back the Passion For Patients to Nursing. There will be a small, quiet, wind chime outside, my walk way will be cobblestone, and my sign will squeak in the wind as it sways. I will be in Sedona, all said and done, but I will do the footwork here.
     Patients are not numbers. They need to feel heard and understood. They need to be educated and informed and clean and comfortable. Their fears need to be lessened by a special, genuine 'care giving' nurse or CNA/GNA caring for them. Patients will feel that everything will be alright (somehow & in some perspective). They will lay down their trust to the special, passionate nurse/CNA/GNA, if he or she helps them to feel better (in any aspect) and to feel genuinely cared about. I want to try and bring back to nursing practice the patient's perspective. It is to the lay person spelled out in one word: EMPATHY. Patients, after all, are human beings. They are not a bar code, a pain scale from 1-10, or a name and a birthday. There it is.

Nursing

I have come to realize that I am smack dab in the middle of a conundrum of my own making: I love nursing but I am burned out caring for others. It has been nearly 32 years. Add the nursing I did as a child changing my mother's back dressing for years, and it is much more. (She had tuberculosis, lost her right lung and six ribs so they left a hole in her back for purulent drainage). Perhaps it has come to this since my mom died. Or maybe it was taking care of in-laws and my parents that fed into its fruition. My own parents never cared for their parents. My mom moved to the opposite coast as her mom and dad. My dad had his 3 siblings in New York to care for both his parents until their deaths. Caring for ailing parents is right up there on the 1-10 stressor scale. That is the hardest thing I've ever done. Funny how I want to still go to school to become a nurse practitioner. Perhaps that is so I can get out of the politics of it all. I wish nurses were treated better as employees. There are many books out there about health care worker burn-out. I know why. So, what is the positive in this? I suppose it is 'nature's' way of steering me in another direction. Is this the midlife crisis of my career? Perhaps it is merely me standing at a crossroad, waiting for a sign, for a different turn, for something better. I'll keep you posted.

Coffee

Coffee is one of those drinks you either love or hate- think about first thing in the morning, or the smell abhors you. I happen to love it, strong and with delicious cream and real sugar. Though I have lost 19 lbs in 2 months, drinking diet sodas, eating whole grains fruits and vegetables, and using Splenda, I will never sacrifice real sugar and real cream for my coffee. I used to be a Dunkin' Doughnut coffee lover, now I prefer my coffee more acidic and very strong. Therefore now I am a Starbucks lover. And coffee goes so well with 'morning computer'. Snow still all over and more to come. Hope Egypt is improving. Hope the Packers win the Bowl. Hope Obama is regaining some followers and I hope they do not give Emanuel a vote in Chicago. Good-da (I love Aussie Land).

Doctors

I am trying to understand many of the feelings I am experiencing right now for 2 physician friends of mine. Both of them I have known for 20+ years. I was very hurt. Each of them, at different times, this same evening, spoke to me in a way I have never experienced from either one of them. The positive in this?  Find a new job. The stress level is too high; everyone is on edge and fired up; the physicians always seem to always be ready for a fight. I backed away, put my hand up and said, "Stop..never mind. I don't know this person" to one, yet he continued with an angry monologue. He did later apologize; I seemed to have brought up a 'sore topic'. To the other physician, I could not catch my tears from coming, so I politely said I needed to say goodbye and get off the phone". I believe the words were..."and frankly I am highly disappointed by your lackadaisical attitude...this is unacceptable" (because I would not engage a defensive attitude). I never engage in angry words when being attacked. What happened in this event, was a lack of communication from one nurse through him to me. I was not at fault. I took excellent care of the patient. Strangely enough, the incident was about the same patient, different physicians: one in the hospital 'covering' and the one whose patient it was (who was on the phone).

I believe in signs. I believe in numerology. I believe all things happen for a reason, and I believe in fate. I will see what positive this evening will hold and hope to experience this pain  for a short period.

The Conundrum

When one has a realistic view of their own mortality, they come to either count and live their days with appreciation, or they fall prey to 'hoping' they will not succumb to an interference, e.g. worry and obsessing over what could happen. Statistically speaking, 1 out of 4 people will get cancer. The positive-we are gaining on the disease with genetic mapping. Then there are the insane highways & road rage, and just plain dangerous drivers; the positive- drive defensively. Timothy Leary was right: "Be Here Now". Take chances, but live the majority of your life responsibly.

EveryNegativeHasAPositive

EveryNegativeHasAPositive:
I am going to be writing about my journey from here to there.
This is my first entry and how appropo that it is mine.