Spinning

Where to go when you're spinning? It almost feels like the spinning is out of control. I've lost the cord; I'm feeling way off balance. I feel I have too many questions, to many decisions to answer in order to move forward. My job environment (the interactions and actions between and of people) is hostile and the politics are insane. I have yet to categorize how my parents' deaths have affected me. My 54th birthday coming up has me getting quite philosophical about my metamorphing body and my mortality. My relationships with siblings are strained and fading into dust. I have spent much energy with that subject. My relationships with friends has taken on a whole new meaning. I have only a few friends with whom I can trust for one. And yes, I really do trust them. But what I have noticed so strikingly lately is how stressed people are. But aren't most of us? What I am recognizing is that people are becoming meaner, and much less respectful. They are in their own caccon and cannot blend within the human existance circles, whether they be social, casual, or professional. Just because someone is undergoing stress, it does not give them the right to be rude or just plain mean. It is beginning to exhaust me trying to mentally play the depersonalization psych move. My feelings are hurt quite frequently lately, mostly by physicians who will inadvertently and unknowingly include me in their 'I hate nursing care here OR the nursing care here is lousy'. I pride myself in my care. I pride myself in excellent patient care. I resent these comments. They sadden me intensly because I do not deserve to be the brunt of these comments; they are being projected onto me. I am at a level where I am ready to sue for defamation of character. Yes that is how angry and upset I am.