Where to Go and What to Do When You Don't Know Where or What

I don't know what I would do without ths blog. It has been cathartic for me. It's like I am talking to no one but still baring my soul. An interesting concept. Free therapy. I don't know what I am suppose to do right now but stay strong and keep moving. I will see my dad today and again Saturday. Sunday, I will go back to work, now that all is set up for his Hospice care. I can step back and not be the nurse when I am with him, which is what I wanted. I want to just be the daughter. But now the daughter will lose her father. The 'when' is the hardest part. Giving things 'up to God' becomes harder too when you're only a student of His. I try, honestly I try, but I was raised in a double-standard Catholic household. I never knew the Bible. I still don't. We sat in church but Hell was before going and after we left. Whoever said the youngest child is the spoiled one...forget it. We usually see all the mistakes, the hardships, the violence, the thick air. The only positive in my Dad's ensuing death is his ensuing peace. Like it has been said, "It is the living who suffer". The pain of losing a parent, both parents, NEVER goes away. Never. Because it is this loss that makes you confront yourself and what is left of your own life.